The Badass Art of Knowing Where You Don’t Belong
And When It’s Not the Room - It’s Your Doubt Goblin
When Something Looks Right … But Feels Off
Have you walked into a new space—for example, a networking group, a potential circle of friends, a new job—and on the surface it looks like what you’d hoped for, except something feels off and you can’t quite explain why?
Your body feels the tension, and you might even say to yourself, “this doesn’t feel right,” or “what am I doing wrong?” or “what’s going on here?”
Girlfriends, the answer can be many things, from bad juju, to FOMO, to mismatched energy.
The Voice that Makes You Question Everything
Those icky feelings and pesky thoughts have a name in the Badass Arts lexicon. We call them Doubt Goblins™—and they are masters at keeping you second-guessing yourself.
As for the concept of energy, that’s a biggie in the spiritually adjacent community.
Sometimes the problem is that your energy doesn’t fit the room, role, or relationship. In that case, the most dignified choice is to move on.
When “You’re Not Aligned” Becomes a Convenient Story
“Because sometimes the room isn’t yours - and no amount of adjusting will make it feel right. And sometimes it is yours… it’s just asking more of you than you’ve been willing to give.”
Here’s where it gets a little slippery, because “it’s not aligned” can be true… or it can be a convenient way to soothe your ego when something feels uncomfortable. If you’re not willing to look at your patterns, you’ll never know which one you’re dealing with.
I know that one firsthand—because for me, that feeling had a very specific name.
FOMO: The Doubt Goblin That Kept Me Stuck
One of my biggest Doubt Goblins™ was Fear of Missing Out. It took me years to recognize its stranglehold on my relationships and how it eroded my confidence. Maybe yours sounds different. “I can’t trust men,” or “I’m never gonna get out of debt,” or “I’d be happier if I were 20 lbs. lighter.”
It’s not like our worries wave a flag and announce themselves. They’re sneakier than that. In my case, FOMO kept me in rooms longer than I needed to stay, with that nasty inner voice whispering, “if only you would try a little harder,” or “they don’t really like you,” or “if you leave too soon, you’ll miss out on something cool.”
For years, it was a Shrek-sized pain in my heart, though my badassery practices have shrunk it down to a Tinkerbell toot. FOMO can still rattle me, but it’s no longer running my inner monologue.
The Bigly Reveal
That’s where things start to shift.
Once you see the pattern, you have a choice.
Are you dealing with something you need to leave… or something that’s asking you to grow?
Three Choices: Leave, Stay…or Learn
Imagine you get a new job and on the surface, it’s a solid fit. You like the people and the work, and you think, this could be my jam. Then something begins to shift. Your gut picks up the tension first, like an atmospheric tightening, before your mind can name it. It’s the hushed conversations when you walk into the room, the comments from your boss, which sound measured but distant, and the sense that you’re underperforming or missing the mark somehow. Nothing about it is overtly unkind, which is what makes it so easy to question yourself. The office is pleasant. Your coworkers are outwardly agreeable. And yet, you can feel something isn’t clicking.
You’ve got three choices: leave, stay, or learn.
If you leave, the pattern will likely follow you—same story, different room. And if you stay, you end up sitting in the discomfort, adjusting yourself to cope with it, hoping it resolves on its own.
Or you choose to learn.
Learning means looking at how you’re showing up, where you might be missing the mark, and what’s being asked of you that you haven’t stepped into yet. It means being willing to hear what’s uncomfortable without immediately defending yourself or explaining it away.
That path is harder up front, no question, but that moment is also where the Badass move is made.
When you’re willing to learn - and let go of those patterns - you’re choosing who you’re going to be, no matter where you land.
The Lie That Sounds Like Wisdom
And that brings us to the bigger picture. There’s a version of this conversation that sounds wise on the surface, but underneath it’s another Doubt Goblin™ wearing a flowing outfit.
It sounds like this:
The problem isn't you—they’re out of alignment with you.
The problem isn't me—they just don't resonate with me.
The problem isn't her—she's moved beyond the matrix.
The problem isn't him—he's unattached to outcomes.
Recognize it?
It even has a name: spiritual bypassery.
That kind of language soothes the ego but does little for growth. It tells a convenient story, but not necessarily a true one—and not one that helps you choose more wisely going forward.
Discernment: The Line Between Truth and Ego
So how do you choose wisely going forward?
Discernment is knowing whether it’s time to go… or time to grow.
It’s recognizing when something isn’t yours—and when it is but is asking more of you than you’ve been willing to give.
And that’s the very juicy conversation we’re stepping into at the Badass Arts Salon on June 11.
