Intention Is the New Glow-Up: A Soulful Rebellion Against Resolutions
The January Script We’ve Memorized and Failed, Time and Again.
Every January, we get ushered back into the same familiar ritual of deciding who we think we should become. We call them resolutions, but they often feel more like performance reviews we give ourselves.
The script usually goes like this:
Identify what needs fixing, make a plan, promise that this is the year you will finally follow through. Basically, stop doing the thing that makes you quietly cringe about yourself. Be better, do better, glow up faster.
The expectation is that change looks impressive and measurable and fast.
And if - let’s be real, when - you give up, the unspoken conclusion is that the problem must be you. You are the failure with the will power of a toddler in the toy aisle, a labradoodle at a barbecue, or a chocolate chip cookie fresh out of the oven, daring you to take just one bite.
You just didn’t want it badly enough.
When February and the Doubt Goblins Arrive
By February, most resolutions are abandoned and lying somewhere in a muddy mental ditch, and the Doubt Goblins have crawled out to whisper their delight over your failed attempt at change. You didn’t try hard enough. You weren’t serious enough. You, you, you suck. Eff those resolutions, anyway.
Never mind that the entire concept of resolutions, and the self-flagellation we wrap them in, is flawed from the start.
I’ve come to believe that most New Year’s resolutions fail not because people lack motivation or discipline, but because the whole thing is rooted in performance instead of intention.
Performance Pushes. Intention Opens. Transformation Follows.
Performance is loud and demanding. It asks us to override ourselves. To monitor, correct, and manage our behavior as if the goal is to appear evolved, consistent, and in control. It keeps us focused on outcomes while quietly ignoring the internal conditions required to sustain them. It’s exhausting. And it relies heavily on pressure, even when that pressure is dressed up as self-improvement.
Intention has a different texture. It’s quieter. Wiser. More honest.
Instead of fixing yourself, intention invites you to listen. It leaves the pressure for plans, proof, and productivity buried in the graveyard of Mindfulness Practices That Never Worked anyway. Intention begins with your relationship to your inner wise woman, and sometimes your inner wisecrack. This is The Badass Arts, after all.
“Resolutions are often just performance reviews we give ourselves.”
From that energetic space, transformation becomes possible as a natural unfolding. Because where performance is about how change looks, transformation is about how change feels.
Transformation grows out of a softening in how we relate to ourselves, our bodies, our patterns, and our desires. It invites a different kind of inner dialogue along the path of Badass Living. Instead of asking, “How do I fix this thing about me I’d rather not admit to?” the question shifts to, “What’s actually happening here?” Instead of, “How do I make myself do better?” the inquiry becomes, “What would make this feel more possible?”
Performance wants speed. Transformation wants honesty. Performance thrives on pressure. Transformation grows in presence. One asks you to prove yourself. The other invites you to trust yourself.
This is where appreciation enters the picture. And this is also where it tends to get misunderstood.
The Quiet Wisdom of Appreciation
When I talk about appreciation, I’m referring to something different than gratitude lists or positive reframing or pretending everything is fine.
Something so quietly radical, it takes more than a few go arounds to tune to the quiet wisdom and practice of feeling. Moments of awe and delight. The joy your inner child still knows, if you let her out to play. The warm fuzzies, the glimmers, the pauses where time softens. The shiny-object joy, the butterflies and the blessings, the mess and the beauty.
And sometimes, appreciation is simply acknowledging what’s working, what’s supporting you, what’s bigly aligned in your life, even while other things remain unresolved.
When appreciation is felt rather than performed, it:
Changes how your nervous system responds.
Changes how much effort it takes for you to show up.
Changes whether your growth feels like a fight or a collaboration.
Appreciation, practiced this way, becomes the easiest starting point to lay the foundation and the condition that allows transformation to happen. From that place, choices begin to shift organically, in alignment with who you are becoming, who you want to be, who you’ve always been.
This is why real transformation often looks unremarkable from the outside. Less dramatic overhaul and certainly no before-and-after reveal. Instead, there are tiny habits of intention that translate into shifts that shift. You stop bullying yourself into action and start creating environments that support you. You make room instead of demands. You pay attention to what drains you and what steadies you, and you take that information seriously.
So, if you find yourself resisting resolutions this year, imagine that instead of procrastination or fear or lack of willpower, it’s your inner wise-ass woman. The part of you that recognizes you’re ready for something more real, something that guides you to stay the course, past the February disappointments and into the joy of what lies ahead.
A 15-Minute Invitation
Before you scroll on, pause with me for a few minutes. Notice what already feels supportive, steady, or quietly good in your life right now. Let yourself feel it, even briefly. Let it land in your body, not just your head. Appreciate that feeling.
Then do one simple thing. Name it. And set an intention around it.
An intention to stay in relationship with what is already working.
An intention to protect it, nourish it, return to it when things get loud.
An intention to let this feeling guide your next choice.
That is intention in practice.
And that is where real transformation begins.
