Finding Your Purpose: The Four Badass Pillars of a Meaningful Life
A New Way to Think About Purpose, Especially in the Middle Years
When I was young, I wanted to be a waitress. Then I met the woman who worked at our local post office. She was kind and exotic at the same time, which, to my tween self, made being a postal worker seem unexpectedly glamorous and pretty damn cool.
I grew up on the frugal side, so being the first person in my family to attend university was a big deal. My mother pushed me toward becoming a doctor, and I studied psychobiology because, at the time, that seemed like the responsible path. Five years later, medical school had not panned out, I still had no earthly idea what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I took a job in pharmaceutical sales.
By the time I hit my forties, I found myself asking questions I had spent years avoiding: What the heck am I doing? Was there still time to dream about something bigger? Did it even matter?
That existential crisis collided with divorce and all the ordinary, exhausting burdens of life. Years on autopilot had steered me down some difficult roads, and the most basic responsibilities became urgent: making sure my children were housed, fed, safe, and loved. My sense of direction was tangled up in other people’s expectations, happenstance, financial necessity, and all the things society had taught me I was supposed to want.
Some grand, shining purpose, if one existed, felt like an out-of-reach luxury.
When Purpose Becomes Another Burden
In conversations with women, I have learned that many of us struggle with the idea of finding our way, especially as we move into midlife and beyond. Between work, family, children, aging parents, relationships, bills, health, and all the surprising heaps of dung life will occasionally drop right on our doorstep, who has time for another existential eureka moment?
And then there is the language itself. We hear people talk about ambition, calling, and purpose as though they all mean the same thing, or as though we are supposed to identify all three by age twenty-five and spend the rest of our lives proving we got it right.
No wonder we are confused.
Ambition is our appetite for achievement. It is the degree to which we are naturally inclined to strive, build, advance, compete, master something, create influence, seek recognition, or leave a visible mark. People are not equally ambitious, and that is neither a virtue nor a flaw. Some people are wired to reach farther, build bigger, and chase more visible goals. Others may direct their drive toward family, craft, community, stability, knowledge, faith, freedom, or a quieter life.
Ambition can mature and be redirected over time, but our general relationship to striving may be more enduring than the individual goals we pursue. The particular mountain may change. The desire to climb may not.
“Between work, family, children, aging parents, relationships, bills, health, and all the surprising heaps of dung life will occasionally drop right on our doorstep, who has time for another existential eureka moment?”
Calling is different. I do not believe it is necessarily one permanent job or identity we are meant to discover and cling to until we die. I think of calling as what is asking for our devotion in this particular season of life. It is the work, relationship, responsibility, creative pursuit, or contribution that feels especially alive and necessary right now.
A calling can be professional, but it can also be profoundly personal. Right now, my calling is to write this blog, be a good wife, love my family and friends well, and build The Badass Arts. Those things ask something of me. They require my attention, courage, creativity, time, and care.
Later, my calling may look different. That will not mean I was wrong before. It will mean I am alive, paying attention, and responding to the life I actually have.
Purpose is broader still. I believe purpose is universal. Not because every one of us has one grand, preassigned mission that we are somehow supposed to uncover before time runs out, but because every human being has the ability to participate meaningfully in life.
That participation is purpose.
I am going to make an audacious claim: purpose can be distilled into four deceptively simple, universal pillars.
I call them The Badass Pillars of Purpose:
Laugh. Learn. Love. Labor.
These four pillars are the ways we participate in this beautiful, messy, complicated thing called being alive.
Laugh
Joy is contagious, restorative, and necessary. Simple pleasure is not something we have to earn only after all the serious work is done, all the children are raised, all the emails are answered, and all the crises are resolved. Laugh at something stupid. Let yourself be delighted. Make room for pleasure. Find the people who make you laugh so hard you cannot breathe properly. A sense of humor will not solve every problem, but it can keep us human while we face them.
Learn
Stay curious. Grow. Ask questions. Read things that challenge you. Change your mind when new information earns the right to change it. Learn from people whose lives and experiences are different from your own. Learn the name of a bird, the history of your neighborhood, a new recipe, a new skill, or a better way to understand yourself.
Then share what you have learned because the world craves your wisdom.
Love
Love is an emotion, yes, but it is also an action. It is how we show up. It is care, attention, repair, forgiveness, boundaries, honesty, tenderness, and the willingness to risk connection.
Let yourself be known. Love people not only through what you feel for them, but through how you choose to treat them. Love your friends. Love your family. Love your community. Love your work enough to do it with integrity. And, if you are going to build a meaningful life, learn to extend some of that love toward yourself, too.
Labor
Labor is making the world a better place. Beyond productivity, it’s choosing to use whatever you have, whether that is your hands, mind, voice, experience, resources, creativity, or presence, to leave the world a little better than you found it.
Labor can be paid work, but it does not have to be. It can be raising kind children. Making someone feel less alone. Tending a garden. Creating art. Building a business that treats people fairly. Volunteering. Serving your community. Making a meal for someone who is grieving. Mentoring someone who needs encouragement. Telling the truth when it would be easier to stay silent.
In Jewish tradition, there is a concept called tikkun olam, often translated as “repairing the world.” Does this mean everyone launches an enormous humanitarian mission or becomes a globally recognized change-maker? PUHlease! We participate in repair through what we create, contribute, teach, build, protect, nurture, offer, and give.
Purpose Is Consistent and Universal
It was my own experience with twists, disappointments, losses, wrong turns, reinventions, and detours that led me to this understanding. Even during seasons when I felt lost, my life still held meaning. I was learning. I was loving. I was working. I was surviving. And whenever I allowed myself to, I was laughing.
Whatever trials, transitions, or tribulations you're going through, purpose, viewed through this prism, remains a loyal and trusted guide by your side.
This is especially important in midlife, when much of what once gave our lives structure is shifting. It is easy to look at all that change and conclude that we need to find a new purpose.
Nope. Not at all.
And you know what else is beautiful about these pillars?
Purpose does not belong only to people with impressive résumés, big platforms, prestigious titles, extraordinary talent, or a crystal-clear plan. It belongs to the exhausted parent getting dinner on the table, the teacher who changes one student’s life, the caregiver holding someone’s hand, the entrepreneur building a business, the retiree finding a new way to contribute, and the person simply trying to make it through a hard season.
Laugh. Learn. Love. Labor.
The Badass Pillars of Purpose are daily invitations to participate more fully in the life you have.
So ask yourself a better question than, “What is my purpose?”
Ask:
Am I laughing enough?
Am I learning?
Am I loving well?
Am I doing something, however small, to help repair the world?
If you can keep answering yes to those four questions, you are beautifully, remarkably, soulfully, and substantially living it.
Interested in working with me individually or bringing me to speak to your organization, event, or retreat? Contact our team at info@TheBadassArts.com.
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