How I Finally Found the Love of Life in my 50s
Beyond mantras, mindfulness, and vision boards, does any of it really work?
I was tired.
Tired of first dates. I'd been on more than a hundred of them. Tired of lousy dates, lonely dates, awkward dates, dates with men who had no class, and dates with men who had no spark.
I was tired of repeating words I didn't believe. Tired of trying to think my way into feeling better and finding love. Tired of pretending I believed in manifesting while secretly wondering why nothing seemed to change in some key areas of my life, namely love.
By the time I stumbled onto the backbone of what would become The Badass Arts™, I'd spent years reading books, attending workshops, journaling, visualizing, and trying every flavor of personal growth, from vanilla to dark chocolate, that I could get my hands on.
Some of it felt good, and most of it didn’t work because what took me ages to admit to myself was that most affirmations sounded like beautiful lies.
Money flows to me with ease and grace.
I’m in an extraordinary relationship with the man of my dreams.
My home is a spacious sanctuary.
At best, it felt like wishful thinking. I was still a single mom living paycheck to paycheck, in a cozy AF condo, on and off kissing frogs that never turned into princes.
Have you ever tried to meditate and ended up frustrated, skeptical, or rolling your eyes? Keep reading, soul sister.
The Original Badassfirmation
After years of chasing one practice after another, I found myself at an impasse of inaction and disappointment. Then, somewhere between exhaustion and curiosity, an idea finally landed. Instead of trying to convince myself of something I didn't believe, I started with something I knew to be true.
I am Loved.
I am Loving.
I am Lovable.
“What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was healing more than my lackluster love life.”
Each morning, as soon as I woke up, I let those words fill my chest as I breathed. I felt the love of my children, my friends, and my community. I felt the warmth of being love itself. Instead of waiting for it or wishing for a form of love woefully as absent as the cold side of my empty bed, I basked in the love that already surrounded me without expectation of what romantic love would look like or when it would arrive.
I did this for about six months, most mornings right after waking up.
What I didn't realize at the time was that I was healing more than my lackluster love life. I was shining the metaphorical spotlight on a Very Big Fear about my future after motherhood. My children were growing up. What would happen when they left? Was I destined to become an old cat lady feeding pigeons on a meager pittance?
That was the old fear, and with my morning practice, I was teaching myself a different truth. I was sending a whole different signal to the world about who I was and what I believed I deserved.
I’d stopped looking for love as proof that I was lovable and started feeling lovable before love arrived. I could say no to frogs without worrying they were the last single frogs on earth. Love stopped feeling like something I had to earn and became something I was free to choose. Then one day, I swiped right and met the man who matched the woman I was becoming. Today, I'm married to my beloved who is extraordinary and we’re the right fit for one another. I gave this practice a name that worked for me: Badassfirmations™.
Why It Worked
Years later, I understand why this practice worked when so many other affirmations failed to change my life. Here’s the skinny on what I discovered.
A Badassfirmation begins with something you already know to be true. Think B for belief, as in, you know with all certainty, down to every cell in your body, that the statement is 100% true.
It speaks in the present tense because your brain responds to what feels real. The more I focused on what I wanted someday, the further away it seemed. Badassfirmations brought me back to what was already true.
And finally, Badassfirmations require that you acknowledge your Doubt Goblins so they can’t be sneaky and whisper mean shit in your ear while you’re practicing this form of healing.
My Doubt Goblins had plenty to say about men and dating and relationships, but they couldn’t argue with: I am Loved (I knew that Source loved me); I am Loving (I knew I was a loving mom); and I am Lovable (because, duh).
Over time, the practice evolved, but the principle remained the same. A Badassfirmation is a truth my heart, my soul, and my essence already know, whatever my Doubt Goblins and ego have to say. One of my favorite practices today is a morning appreciation ritual I share with my husband. Before we reach for our phones or start our day, we name what we appreciate. The comfort of the bed. The sunlight streaming through the window. The quiet of the morning.
Simple things but simple doesn't mean insignificant.
Looking back, those six months became the foundation for what would eventually become Love Like a Badass™. The practices I was experimenting with to heal my own heart became the same ones I would later share with women navigating heartbreak, divorce, dating, and the courage to love again.
Because finding love was half the miracle, and the other half was becoming the woman who could receive it.
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